Speaking at the Annual Inventers Guild of Inventions, Rupert, carried on stage by two of his handlers and hooked up to the microphone with golden electrodes, proceeded to tell the packed venue of his plans. "I first started to research ways to deliver bile and anger wirelessly, but mobile phones came along and achieved this... Continue Reading →
President Trump told eager reporters of the ambitious plans earlier today. "Bad people are doing bad things....very bad things. Very bad. Things. With guns." Said the President. It's understood the new weapons will be manufactured in China.
Rising star, b!Mpti *VX9C, who recently smashed records by amassing a whopping 62 billion streams in one hour on Spotify, has become a hate-figure after the Daily Mail newspaper featured them in a recent article. "I can't even pronounce their name and their parents should be ashamed, if they even have any." - Maureen, 68,... Continue Reading →
After stealing your children's innocence and radicalising your parents, Mark Zuckerberg now has his sights firmly set on your beloved pets. PetBook is due to launch later this year, with pet food advertisers and the six companies that own all of the veterinary practices eager to promote the new service. We asked Mark how he... Continue Reading →
A handful of protesters that managed to convince a court full of men that they speak for the entire population were seen celebrating outside court today. "If you're really shouty and bullish, everyone will listen to you and you can brute-force anything into law," said Mandy Collins. "I'm really bitter that I can't compete in... Continue Reading →
The newly-formed WhatsApp group, which comprises many high-profile members, have come together to form a coalition, in an attempt to seek compassion from society. Many of the members, now frail, claim they've never been treated so cruelly, and argue that because their problematic behaviour happened a long time ago, are being treated unfairly. "I'm receiving... Continue Reading →
John, 45, had suffered from crippling depression and anxiety throughout his life and had resigned himself to never feeling happiness, until he recently discovered an instant remedy to his woes. "I just tried not being depressed, and it worked immediately," beamed John. The breakthrough cure, suggested by a family member, had initially been rejected by... Continue Reading →
The UK is set to choose the easiest option in a bid to offset the tariff deficit incorporated by President Trump. “Disabled people don’t contribute anything to society. It’s completely unfair on the people who don’t have debilitating ailments and it’s particularly unjust to business owners, many of which have to deal with difficult paperwork... Continue Reading →
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