Speaking at the Annual Inventers Guild of Inventions, Rupert, carried on stage by two of his handlers and hooked up to the microphone with golden electrodes, proceeded to tell the packed venue of his plans. "I first started to research ways to deliver bile and anger wirelessly, but mobile phones came along and achieved this... Continue Reading →
President Trump told eager reporters of the ambitious plans earlier today. "Bad people are doing bad things....very bad things. Very bad. Things. With guns." Said the President. It's understood the new weapons will be manufactured in China.
Rising star, b!Mpti *VX9C, who recently smashed records by amassing a whopping 62 billion streams in one hour on Spotify, has become a hate-figure after the Daily Mail newspaper featured them in a recent article. "I can't even pronounce their name and their parents should be ashamed, if they even have any." - Maureen, 68,... Continue Reading →
A recent study has found evidence of a growing new trend within the business sector, that sees mainly (but not limited to) upper middle-management men creating their own buzz-words and terminology. The practice was initially developed to freshen up stale LinkedIn profiles, but is fast becoming a confusing headache for employees. Sandra, from Spalding Paper... Continue Reading →
Following Trump's recent falling out with Elon Musk, it has been revealed that the President has abandoned the Tesla that was gifted to him. Donald has chosen a custom-built car, powered by the tears of the people whose lives he's ruined. It's an unconventional power-source, say experts, but they say they have enough fuel stockpiled... Continue Reading →
After stealing your children's innocence and radicalising your parents, Mark Zuckerberg now has his sights firmly set on your beloved pets. PetBook is due to launch later this year, with pet food advertisers and the six companies that own all of the veterinary practices eager to promote the new service. We asked Mark how he... Continue Reading →
A handful of protesters that managed to convince a court full of men that they speak for the entire population were seen celebrating outside court today. "If you're really shouty and bullish, everyone will listen to you and you can brute-force anything into law," said Mandy Collins. "I'm really bitter that I can't compete in... Continue Reading →
JD Vance, the USA's official Snake Oil salesman, offered up another hollow soundbite in relation to the ongoing tariff war, by saying there was a "good chance" a trade deal could be reached. Kier Starmer, the democratically elected leader of the free people of the United Kingdom of England's Great Britain, was eager to broker... Continue Reading →
Clive Jones (Head of Science at the University of Science) has re-written the gastropod rule book, classifying all slugs as 'Hobo Snails' and reducing their existence to a mere footnote in history. Rival scientists have been quick to criticise, with one labelling the move as 'preposterous and offensive'. "It's Preposterous and offensive," said Ruth Evans... Continue Reading →
The newly-formed WhatsApp group, which comprises many high-profile members, have come together to form a coalition, in an attempt to seek compassion from society. Many of the members, now frail, claim they've never been treated so cruelly, and argue that because their problematic behaviour happened a long time ago, are being treated unfairly. "I'm receiving... Continue Reading →
In keeping with the market-leader's winning strategy, Playstation Studio's Hermen Hulst announced that a remake of an unreleased game is set to be given a makeover and unleashed at some point in the distant future. Sony have stream-lined the development process and now plans to publish all future remakes before their original versions ever get... Continue Reading →
Tracey Collins, 37, had the idea after being unable to afford rent, food and utility bills, despite being frugal with expenditure and working full-time. "I tried working harder, but it didn't matter how much effort I put in or how much extra I did. My wages never changed," said Tracey. Tracey wishes she could spend... Continue Reading →
The bold statement, confidently delivered by Clive Jones (University of Science) came towards the end of his annual speech on genetics at the prestigious festival of science, catching attendees off-guard. Audible gasps could be heard, prompting a confrontation from Jane Craddock, a trainee scientist. "Crabs are decapod crustaceans of the infraorder Brachyura whereas Lobsters are... Continue Reading →
In a bid to ease tensions throughout the country, the Turkish government have appointed the self-proclaimed 'Lord of the turkey' as the ruling Mayor of Turkey. "This is BOOTIFUL" said a government spokesperson. Critics were quick to point out that the Norfolk-born Mr Matthews died fifteen years ago and condemned the news as a distraction... Continue Reading →
John, 45, had suffered from crippling depression and anxiety throughout his life and had resigned himself to never feeling happiness, until he recently discovered an instant remedy to his woes. "I just tried not being depressed, and it worked immediately," beamed John. The breakthrough cure, suggested by a family member, had initially been rejected by... Continue Reading →
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