As the release date for Death Stranding 2 approaches, beleaguered Kojima Productions devs are speaking out about Hideo Kojima's unshakeable obsession with actors. "I don't know why he doesn't just ask Hollywood if he can direct a film," said scenery artist Jen Collins. "Hideo will watch something, then immediately want to have the actors in... Continue Reading →
The LEGO corporation issued an announcement earlier today. It will immediately recall all Cybertruck toy sets, after hundreds of irate customers reported that they had melted. Andrew Clarkson, a 49 year old adult that purchases LEGO toys to fill the gaping void in his life, said "It just burst into flames and nearly took my... Continue Reading →
George Stalk, 49, said the Roomba that they've had for three years has started to behave differently. "For the first few months, it was great. It would happily trundle around the house, picking up as much as 7 crumbs or sometimes a bit of fluff," beamed George. Things have now taken a sudden turn, with... Continue Reading →
Everyone likes sandwiches, even people who don't. Videogame characters also like sandwiches, and because the internet likes lists of things and sandwiches, here we are. There's only ten, even though I ran out of ideas after about four or five. I soldiered on though. CHOP CHOP MASTER ONION (PaRappa the Rapper) Bread: Half a Baguette Filling: The... Continue Reading →
Tech firm: Web Automation Networking Kernel (W.A.N.K Ltd) are to shed 70% of their workforce after investors complained about lower-than-expected profits. CEO, Carl Plumb, was relived to hear that he'll keep his position in the company, despite the drastic reshuffle. "My workload has gotten significantly lighter and the remaining staff will have far fewer distractions,... Continue Reading →
The Fakebook founder revealed that he's 'tried everything' to get his childhood imaginary friend to spend time with him, to no avail. "It all started a couple of years ago," sobbed Zuckerberg. "He was around less and less, seemingly always too busy to play with me. Eventually, he just wasn't there at all." Zuckerberg told... Continue Reading →
47 year old, mild-mannered Steve Robertson, a warehouse operative from Stockport, said he’d put thousands of hours into mastering the subtle nuances of different game genres in an effort to become the best, but his superiors at work never seem to notice. “I only ever get a pay rise when the minimum wage goes up”... Continue Reading →
Thousands of people are doing it, including celebrities and high-ranking public figures! “I can confirm that this works brilliantly and HR are no longer hassling me at work” - Ken, 32, Software CEO, Atlanta Don't miss out. This quick & easy trick that anyone can do will be revealed if you keep reading! “I use... Continue Reading →
In a rare admittance of incompetence, PillageCorp released the following statement: ‘In 2019, we purchased PetCare 4 All, a small chain of charity-funded animal rescue shelters. Due to a clerical error, they were allowed to operate unhindered. Our Acquisitions department have now acted quickly, and we predict that all 7 shelters will be shuttered by... Continue Reading →
Multi-millionaire Chris Fringe, known as B!gManBabY in social media circles, recently made the surprising discovery during their latest PR regurgitation for dog haemorrhoid cream ‘Clagsalve’. “I just opened the PR pack during a livestream and there it was, right next to to the dog anus costume I had to wear whilst performing the marketing script,“... Continue Reading →
A Tesla car crashed on Sunday afternoon in a quiet suburb, leaving bystanders in a state of absolute shock. The driver claimed the car suddenly lunged across to the opposite side of the road, before hitting a lamp post. Bystanders rushed to help 52 year old driver, Alan Whiteman, before quickly retreating to a safe... Continue Reading →
Starring all those people who are in everything else, embarking on an explosive quest, in an epic universe that shareholders are way too invested in to back out of now. Look out for the exciting announcement that reveals the release date of the teaser, to find out when the first of many trailers will 'drop'.... Continue Reading →
Elon Musk made the claim yesterday and his supporters were crying with laughter as they shared his hilarious comment across social media. X user: @Incelinside_88 said ‘my maaaan owning the libz and h8rs’ [sic] Some critics pointed out that the phrase ‘Bet they did Nazi that coming’ had been widely used across social media recently,... Continue Reading →
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