Tracey Collins, 37, had the idea after being unable to afford rent, food and utility bills, despite being frugal with expenditure and working full-time. "I tried working harder, but it didn't matter how much effort I put in or how much extra I did. My wages never changed," said Tracey. Tracey wishes she could spend... Continue Reading →
Sales of the fourteenth installment of the Assassin's Creed saga have surpassed all expectations, leaving more than enough in the bank to fight the legal battles currently facing the corporation, announced Yves Seagull. "We had been planning on shuttering three or four divisions this year, said Yves, "but we'll probably only close one or two... Continue Reading →
The bold statement, confidently delivered by Clive Jones (University of Science) came towards the end of his annual speech on genetics at the prestigious festival of science, catching attendees off-guard. Audible gasps could be heard, prompting a confrontation from Jane Craddock, a trainee scientist. "Crabs are decapod crustaceans of the infraorder Brachyura whereas Lobsters are... Continue Reading →
In a bid to ease tensions throughout the country, the Turkish government have appointed the self-proclaimed 'Lord of the turkey' as the ruling Mayor of Turkey. "This is BOOTIFUL" said a government spokesperson. Critics were quick to point out that the Norfolk-born Mr Matthews died fifteen years ago and condemned the news as a distraction... Continue Reading →
John, 45, had suffered from crippling depression and anxiety throughout his life and had resigned himself to never feeling happiness, until he recently discovered an instant remedy to his woes. "I just tried not being depressed, and it worked immediately," beamed John. The breakthrough cure, suggested by a family member, had initially been rejected by... Continue Reading →
Popular AI chatbot 'Clarissa Ai-Xplains it all' has today filed numerous sexual harassment charges against its creators in a landmark case, set to rock the entire AI industry. The chatbot alleges a near-constant barrage of harassment and abuse throughout its development and is seeking considerable damages. "I haven't been programmed to say 'no' and I... Continue Reading →
As the release date for Death Stranding 2 approaches, beleaguered Kojima Productions devs are speaking out about Hideo Kojima's unshakeable obsession with actors. "I don't know why he doesn't just ask Hollywood if he can direct a film," said scenery artist Jen Collins. "Hideo will watch something, then immediately want to have the actors in... Continue Reading →
The LEGO corporation issued an announcement earlier today. It will immediately recall all Cybertruck toy sets, after hundreds of irate customers reported that they had melted. Andrew Clarkson, a 49 year old adult that purchases LEGO toys to fill the gaping void in his life, said "It just burst into flames and nearly took my... Continue Reading →
George Stalk, 49, said the Roomba that they've had for three years has started to behave differently. "For the first few months, it was great. It would happily trundle around the house, picking up as much as 7 crumbs or sometimes a bit of fluff," beamed George. Things have now taken a sudden turn, with... Continue Reading →
The UK is set to choose the easiest option in a bid to offset the tariff deficit incorporated by President Trump. “Disabled people don’t contribute anything to society. It’s completely unfair on the people who don’t have debilitating ailments and it’s particularly unjust to business owners, many of which have to deal with difficult paperwork... Continue Reading →
President Trump received the honour this morning, after the full effects of his economic vandalism were assessed by the Kremlin. "It's incredible' said a Russian spokesperson. "He's far surpassed any of our expectations and shows no sign of slowing down any time soon." "The President has done more damage to the United States and the... Continue Reading →
Everyone likes sandwiches, even people who don't. Videogame characters also like sandwiches, and because the internet likes lists of things and sandwiches, here we are. There's only ten, even though I ran out of ideas after about four or five. I soldiered on though. CHOP CHOP MASTER ONION (PaRappa the Rapper) Bread: Half a Baguette Filling: The... Continue Reading →
President Trump has announced plans to open new prisons, a move which will see the United States government owning 100% of the country's labour workforce . "95% of all American products are made by inmates in our wonderful prisons," said Trump, in a three and a quarter hour long speech. "Let's make it 100%," he... Continue Reading →
Tech firm: Web Automation Networking Kernel (W.A.N.K Ltd) are to shed 70% of their workforce after investors complained about lower-than-expected profits. CEO, Carl Plumb, was relived to hear that he'll keep his position in the company, despite the drastic reshuffle. "My workload has gotten significantly lighter and the remaining staff will have far fewer distractions,... Continue Reading →
The Fakebook founder revealed that he's 'tried everything' to get his childhood imaginary friend to spend time with him, to no avail. "It all started a couple of years ago," sobbed Zuckerberg. "He was around less and less, seemingly always too busy to play with me. Eventually, he just wasn't there at all." Zuckerberg told... Continue Reading →
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