PRIVATE EQUITY FIRM ACCIDENTALLY FORGETS TO SHUT DOWN COMPANY IT PURCHASED

In a rare admittance of incompetence, PillageCorp released the following statement:

‘In 2019, we purchased PetCare 4 All, a small chain of charity-funded animal rescue shelters. Due to a clerical error, they were allowed to operate unhindered. Our Acquisitions department have now acted quickly, and we predict that all 7 shelters will be shuttered by the end of this week’

The embarrassing blunder was discovered by none-other than PillageCorp’s CEO, Hank Cash, after PetCare 4 All sent him a complimentary gift package for his beloved dog that they’d saved from a near-fatal traffic accident earlier that month.